If you have been following my past articles, you may have somehow been able to form a perception of my character and personality even without meeting me in person.
What kind of impression do you have of me? Do you perceive me to be a strong and independent career-minded woman, or a dependent, gentle, loving and soft spoken woman?
Ushering in the New Year means spring cleaning and starting everything fresh and new. Just last week, I engaged an aircon serviceman to give my coolers at home a long overdue shower.
In just 2 short hours and small talk, he had one last question for me before he walked out of my apartment. “You don’t belong to any religion, do you?” My reply was no. He turned to me and said: “I know. You worship money.”
I refused to let him go and demanded an explanation. Being held hostage, he had no choice but to spill on his perception of me.
Under his impression – I am independent, determined, strong, demanding, will not take nonsense, impatient, and the strangest comment is that I do not need a man to take care of me.
I was stunned for a while. Where did this come from? Am I really like what he perceived me to be? I did some soul searching afterwards…
I came from a poor family and had to fend for myself since young. This has made me independent and strong. Of course, I immediately saw the value of money and the importance of working hard for it. Therefore, I got myself vacation jobs as soon as I touched the legal age. Seeing the little money earned from selling Christmas cards door-to-door and fast food restaurants motivated me further.
Time passed and I managed some decent jobs earning good bucks. Due to the harsh and competitive environment in airline and sales industry, I learnt to protect myself and my interest. If you ever appear weak, bullies flock to you like bees to honey. I had to fight for my rights, constantly be on guard, and became cold and distant with intention of not showing the soft side of me – survival needs.
If I don’t protect and take care of myself, who would?
Durians are known as king of fruits. Career go-getter women are just like durians. We put on a very strong and hard front. Should anyone get near us and threaten harm, we have our outer shell for self defense and protection. It is not easy to open us up. But if you do manage to, you will find the soft side to us.
A few times, I had the opportunity to be in the company of very highly successful and powerful women holding top positions in male dominated industry, and make hundreds of thousands yearly. Apart from discussions about how expensive their latest collections of diamonds and bags are, luxury holidays in the front cabin of aircrafts, and their new wheels, they also bragged about how they are superior to their ex-men.
Most people perceive them to be superwomen who do not need a man in their life. Even they are too arrogant to admit they need one.
But do you know? Through that few hours’ chat, I can sense that deep inside, they want something more than their material achievements and success. The arrogant and strong front is only a self protection and consolation. During the conversation, they do show signs of wanting to find men who can love and pamper them.
Another girlfriend of mine had been penalized by her husband for their failing marriage and his possible infidelity, citing her chase for excellence and promotion at work had taken her time away from the family. Although sad and misunderstood, she kept her silence. She is one strong woman who doesn’t show her inner emotions freely and it may have caused her husband to think she doesn’t care.
Why are these groups of go-getters being penalized for the independence and ability to be strong? Open up the durian slowly and patiently and you may have unexpected finds.
For now, I can only find comfort in my uPaPa Hug. He has been like a pair of warm, protective loving arms, embracing me from the back, giving me the warmth I desire, and comforting me from a day of stress. That’s additional emotional comfort apart from easing the muscle knots on my heavy shoulders!
It’s a pity he will only be with me for two weeks. I don’t think I can find a man in two weeks…